Chicago Storage: A Breakup Letter To My Storage UnitDoorage

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A Break Up Letter To Our Self-Storage Unit

Dear Self-Storage Unit,

We’re over. My year-long contract with you is coming to an end, and I’ve already cleared out all of my stuff. But there’s a few things I want to say to you before I close this door and open a new one…

Self-Storage Unit, when we first met, you seemed like a great option. I was fresh out of college when I signed my first contract with you. I was living in a seventh-floor walk-up with four other people, and the only storage space I had was a tiny closet. So of course I fell into the arms of the first self-storage facility that talked to me. You seemed so appealing. You told me I could have my first month for free if I signed a six-month lease. That six-month lease turned into a year-long lease and then another because, well, I didn’t think there was anyone else out there for me. I didn’t realize there were better storage solutions out there for me. I mean, if you were in my shoes, would you think to look for another storage option when nothing seems wrong with the one you’re already with?

However, there was something wrong the whole time. First, I only ever really filled you up halfway — well, perhaps I should say I left you half empty. We left each other half empty. But I still had to pay for all of you. I guess this is what my mother meant when she said, “Why buy the whole cow when you can just pay for the milk,” or something like that.  

Then, you promised me you were clean. But when I opened you up, there was clear evidence of all the other people who have used you. There was dust and dirt everywhere, ants were crawling up the walls, and I think I even saw some Raisinettes on the ground (at least, I hope they were Raisinettes… yikes). After I cleaned you up, you started to look a little better. At least until some ass in the unit next to mine spilled a canister of gasoline that leaked into my unit. Even though you were supposed to be mine, I had to deal with negative consequences of your neighbors’ actions.

Well, guess what? I’m through. I’ve moved on to someone better. I’m with Doorage now.

Who’s Doorage? Well, they are the best storage option in Chicago right now, and I suspect they’ll keep treating me right. While I always had to come to you if I needed something, Doorage doesn’t make me lift a finger. They come right to my door, take my storage boxes, and then leave. When I was with you, Self-Storage Unit, I had to block out an entire afternoon just to pay you a visit. Now, with Doorage, we can literally meet up on my lunch break, do what needs to be done, and part ways. Heck, my doorman can even stand in in my place if I need him to!

And thankfully, there’s plenty of Doorage to go around. So you can imagine, Self-Storage Unit, that you’re going to lose even more love once the news gets out that there’s a better storage option. Until then, I’m taking my lock and shutting the door on you one last time.

Sincerely,

Your Last Tenant